And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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