I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
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