I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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