And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
