Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
