I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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