No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
