She's JV to your varsity
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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