never play flip cup with pint glasses
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Vodka?
Forever.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
