So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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