I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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