yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
