yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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