toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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