We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
