I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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