my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Randomize
