HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
