who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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