If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize