i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Randomize
