Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
