Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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