dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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