just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
