Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
