I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
