Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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