Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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