Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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