Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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