my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
