Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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