i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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