if i can run in heels then i can drive
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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