dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
