I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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