New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
