She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
