youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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