We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
