he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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