Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
