ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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