i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
