she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
