OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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