yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
