Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
