shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
