every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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