You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
found the other keg... it's in the tree
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
