It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I love you.
Bad choice
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
