She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
