Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
