2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
