Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
