What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
