If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Ketchup is God's man juice
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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