Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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