Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
