Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
