I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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