I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
