Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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