seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
You're a waste of cheezeits
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
