I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
