I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
