Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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