This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
