Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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