Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
