I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
