too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
