the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
