My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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