capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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