I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
