It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
