ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
