Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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