Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
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