please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
