part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
