Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
