Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
