How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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