filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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