Say something about gay babies.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
