the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
