A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
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