Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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