I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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