false alarm. still invincible.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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