Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize