I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
