The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Randomize
