you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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