toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
