I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
